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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121437">If Love is in the Air, it's Time You Started Thinking About Getting an Air Conditioner</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Official_Biscuit_Moron/pseuds/Official_Biscuit_Moron'>Official_Biscuit_Moron</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>"Romance", Crack, Emetophobia, Gen, Give Shinpachi More Screentime 2K20, Kinniku Buster, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Explicit Vomiting, Romance, crack treated about as seriously as gintama treats anything, gintoki says 'crummy' what a lame nerd, i love you sacchan, kintoki amuses me but also he angers me, kintoki/gintoki is one-sided, rest in smithereens kintoki, this is very stupid i'm so sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:07:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,486</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Official_Biscuit_Moron/pseuds/Official_Biscuit_Moron</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kagura bumped into his back when he turned the corner, coming to an abrupt stop.</p><p>“Gin-chan, what is it? Did Sadaharu make another debut on the floor?” she asked blithely.</p><p>Just visible over Shinpachi, through the doorway, was a sleek head of golden hair, complete with smug smirk and fancy blue eyes. Sakata Kintoki gave him a little wave.</p><p>/ / /</p><p>Aka Kintoki tries to confess his undying love to Gintoki. Someone probably should've warned him that this things never go the way you want them to in Gintama.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kagura &amp; Sakata Gintoki &amp; Shimura Shinpachi, Kagura &amp; Sarutobi Ayame, Sakata Gintoki &amp; Sarutobi Ayame, Sakata Gintoki/Sakata Kintoki, Shimura Shinpachi &amp; Sarutobi Ayame</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If Love is in the Air, it's Time You Started Thinking About Getting an Air Conditioner</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Gin-san,” Shinpachi called down the hall, voice bored, “There’s someone here with a job for you.”</p><p>“Fine! Send them in!” Gintoki yelled back. He didn't bother putting down his JUMP, reluctantly absorbed in the plot of this week's <em>Gintaman</em> (it was like watching a trainwreck—horrifying, gut-wrenching, terrible, but really hard to look away from). It took a couple of pages for it to hit him, but once he actually considered what Shinpachi had just said, he managed to tear his eyes from Ginta-san's latest shenanigans.</p><p>“Wait, for <em>me? </em>Don't you mean for us?”</p><p>Shinpachi didn’t respond for a minute, listening to the customer, then reported loudly, “He says only you can do the job, Gin-san. Only you, he says. And he’s not moving.”</p><p>“This is ridiculous,” Gintoki muttered to himself. “Jeez. I’M COMING, PATSUAN!”</p><p>“Gin-chan, what’s he doing? What’s going on, huh?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Let’s go find out.”</p><p>Kagura and Gintoki rose from their respective positions on the Yorozuya couches like the zombies in The W*lking D*ed, moving sluggishly around the coffee table and over to the doorway, Gintoki lazily scratching his stomach, Kagura digging avidly in her nose.</p><p>“Gin-san, he says he can’t wait, he really can’t. This is <em>so</em> important, he says.”</p><p>Gintoki scowled. “What, he’s got a bomb or something? Yeah right! Gimme a break!”</p><p>Kagura bumped into his back when turned the corner, coming to an abrupt stop.</p><p>“Gin-chan, what is it? Did Sadaharu make another debut on the floor?” she asked blithely.</p><p>Just visible over Shinpachi, through the doorway, was a sleek head of golden hair, complete with smug smirk and fancy blue eyes. Sakata Kintoki gave him a little wave.</p><p>“Oh hell no.”</p><p>“Gin- GIN-SAN! NO, don’t kill him, he’s got payment! He says we’re gonna get <em>payed!! </em>Just hear him out!”</p><p>Gintoki unenthusiastically stopped trying to kick Kintoki to death, and Shinpachi released him, placing himself directly between the two of them. Kagura peered around Gintoki, and upon seeing who it was simply rolled her eyes, saying, “Oh, it was just him, huh?” and making her way back to the other room, belly-flopping down on the sofa. The blistering, one-sided staring match continued in her absence.</p><p>Kintoki smiled, like a snake, like a slippery, wily snake. “Hello, Gintoki. Like Shinpachi-kun over here said, I do have a job for you; a job only <em>you </em>can do.”</p><p>Shinpachi, casting one more reproachful glance at Gintoki’s whole-hearted grimace, backed up so that he and Kintoki could talk face to face.</p><p>“Alright. Piece of shit. Talk, then, you bastard.”</p><p>“My my,” Kintoki laughed, “No need to be so callous, my friend-”</p><p>“We ain’t friends, you grimy bitch.”</p><p>“Wow, what a tough guy—way to be cliché. You’re too predictable, Gintoki. You know,” he said, tapping his chin in mock thought, “Someday, someone might take advantage of that.”</p><p>Gintoki’s hands clenched painfully tight, his nails digging into his palms. He glared. “What are you even talking about? Don't act like you're saying something deep. Just get on with it. You had a job? With payment?”</p><p>“Ah, of course.” Kintoki shifted out of the doorway, and put one hand into his yukata—Gintoki’s hand snapped to his sword. “My <em>God</em>, you’re wound <em>tight</em>. You should calm down, Gintoki. Relax. I’m not here to cause troubl-”</p><p>“Talk, already.”</p><p>“Haha, alright, then; if you insist.” Kintoki shifted again. “There is one task I need you for; and one alone.”</p><p>“<em>Spit it out!</em>”</p><p>“Sakata Gintoki,” he said grandly, bowing forward, pulling out the thing that was in his yukata, “Will you take the job of accepting these chocolates?”</p><p>Gintoki stared, in utterly, completely blank shock, at the silver, heart-shaped box being shoved in his face. Shinpachi’s mouth was all the way open, in a way Gintoki knew meant a scathing straight man retort was on its way. Curious at the sudden silence, Kagura had looked over and was currently laughing her small, irritating head off. Kintoki looked up at Gintoki and gave him a flirty smile.</p><p>“WHAT THE HELL?!” Shinpachi finally exploded. “THE ‘JOB’ WAS LITERALLY JUST GIN-SAN RECEIVING SOME CANDY? WHAT KIND OF JOB IS THAT?! WHY-”</p><p>“No no no, Shinpachi-kun,” Gintoki said, perfectly calmly, “You’re misunderstanding. You’ve got it all wrong. This is an attempt to poison me, gone very, <em>very</em> badly.”</p><p>“Gin-chan- teehee- aha- a job only <em>Gin-chan </em>can do! Ahahahaha, Gin-chan’s the only one who can bench the fiery passion of his <em>lo</em><em>~</em><em>ve,</em> ahaha! How cute, yes? Shit! Ahahahah!” Kagura was doubled over in a fit of violent giggles, tears starting to form in her eyes.</p><p>“It’s <em>quench, </em>Kagura-chan,” Kintoki said smoothly, “But otherwise, you’re quite right.”</p><p>Shinpachi looked frantically back and forth—Kintoki’s smirk, the chocolates, Kagura-chan possibly legitimately dying of laughter, Gin-san looking- oh no-</p><p>“Gin-san! Don’t pass out! You can’t pass out! This would be a terrible time to pass out!”</p><p>Gintoki swayed murderously on his feet.</p><p>“And- Wait!” Shinpachi screamed, “<em>That was you trying to flirt</em>?! That was so <em>awkward</em>! Y-You were trying to <em>flirt</em>?! With- G- With G-Gin-” Shinpachi paused to projectile-vomit into the umbrella stand.</p><p>“With Toki-chan, yes. That was the goal. Ah-”</p><p>Kintoki artfully side-stepped Gintoki, who had staggered forward and joined Shinpachi in his puke marathon.</p><p>“Ha, okay. I see nicknames won’t be well-recieved. I’m not <em>insensitive</em>, like <em>some</em> people, so I’ll make a note of that.”</p><p>Kagura finally stopped cackling long enough to approach the group—she made a grab for the silver box of chocolates still clutched in Kintoki’s hand, saying, “No, Gin-chan doesn’t mind nicknames—he just hates you. He thinks you should die. Yep, he does.” Kintoki had to admit, the Yato girl didn't give up easy. Even as he held the chocolates over his head, dodging her every attempt to snatch them, she lunged again and again, pummeling him relentlessly with her fists. “Oi, shithead, give me the damn chocolate! I’ll beat you up,!”</p><p>Gintoki surfaced for a moment to say, in a weak, strained voice, “I won’t accept it! I will absolutely <em>not </em>accept it! No wa-” though he was quickly cut off by another wave of puke. </p><p>“Kagura-chan,” Kintoki said gently, still smiling that self-satisfied smile, “I’m afraid I can’t let you have these. They’re for Gintoki. Do you see how the box is- oof- silver? I picked it out because it was- ah- <em>silver- </em>shit- could you- stop- <em>hitting </em>me?!”</p><p>With a final, triumphant cry of “I’ll rip your dick off!” Kagura freed the chocolates from Kintoki’s—literally iron—grip. His joints steamed in protest, some of the plastic on his hand spider-webbed with cracks from where Kagura had been grabbing it. She quickly and efficiently wrestled him to the floor and sat squarely in the center of his back, plucking the lid off the heart-shaped box and throwing it to the floor.</p><p>The consistent vomiting sound coming from the corner of the room slowed to a stop, and Gintoki and Shinpachi looked up gingerly, wiping their mouths with the backs of their hands—Gintoki glanced dizzily behind him and, upon seeing Kagura picking out a chocolate to eat, threw himself at her, eyes widening in fear.</p><p>“Kagura, oi, Kagura, <em>wait! </em>You don’t know what’s in those, they could be poisoned! They could be drugged! That bastard has it out for me!”</p><p>“No, dammit, nope! You can’t take these from me, Gin-chan, these chocolates and me are engaged to be married!”</p><p>Shinpachi, recovering a little slower, joined in the struggle nonetheless, taking another end of the box and tugging with all his might. “Gin-san’s right, Kagura-chan! They could’ve been tampered with!!”</p><p>“Oi, you bastard, what are you implying about Chocolate-sama?!”</p><p>All of a sudden, Kagura wobbled precariously. Uh oh. The shock of her beat-down had worn off; Kintoki was getting up. She tore Shinpachi’s and Gintoki’s hands off the box and clutched it tightly to her chest, skillfully rolling out of the way. Gintoki, in his attempt to follow her, fell on Kintoki in her stead, while Shinpachi tumbled in the other direction, screaming shrilly as his momentum nearly sent him crashing into the vomit-filled umbrella stand.</p><p>They all stayed where they were, for a moment, tensed up, waiting for the dust to settle.</p><p>Kagura looked up slowly from the chocolates still held to her in a death grip. She saw Shinpachi, from across the narrow hallway, doing the same.</p><p>Shinpachi was the first one to break the silence.</p><p>“WHY DO YOU HAVE GIN-SAN IN A K*NNIKU B*STER?!”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“You know, Shinpachi, you really should’ve called it a Kintoki Buster – that’s what we learned in the trial arc, yes?”</p><p>“I was caught up in the moment, Kagura-chan.”</p><p>“So this is what that woman felt like. I see now. I need to have a talk with Hasegawa-san. He needs to be in jail. That bastard needs to be in jail, too. Is he in jail, Shinpachi-kun? He’s in jail, right?”</p><p>Shinpachi side-eyed Gintoki nervously. “No, Gin-san, he’s sitting on the couch in front of us.”</p><p>“Hey,” Kintoki said, smiling. “Sorry about that...Kintoki Buster. No hard feelings, right?”</p><p>Gintoki kept his despondent eyes pointed at the ground. “Ah. That’s right,” he said, with a mad giggle. There was a pregnant pause. They were all side-eyeing him now, except for Kintoki, because he was sitting right in front of them, and could stare straight on.</p><p>“Gin-chan, you want me to break his kneecaps?” Kagura asked, oddly serious. “I’ll do it. I really will. Even if he doesn’t have any.”</p><p>The silence continued, but for Shinpachi’s soft, “I’d help,” and Gintoki’s quiet, acknowledging jostle to both of their shoulders. After a moment, Gintoki looked up, fiery glare hoisted back onto his face, and pointed an accusatory finger at Kintoki.</p><p>“You better explain yourself, you bastard.”</p><p>Kintoki grinned. “What’s there to explain?”</p><p>Kagura gnawed aggressively on her sukonbu, glowering threateningly. Seeing that the conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere if everyone participating was on the defensive, Shinpachi tried to smooth things over.</p><p>“Look, Kin-Kintoki-san, you may not have meant any harm, by doing.. whatever it was.. that you were doing.. but how were we to know that? All you’ve ever done is cause trouble.”</p><p>Kintoki said, “Well now, Shinpachi-kun, I don’t know about <em>tha~t,</em>” then laughed at the looks on their faces. He addressed his next statement directly to the man sitting in between Kagura and Shinpachi.</p><p>“Gintoki,” he began, “Tama said that I should apologize, for all the damage I caused. To her, you know, and to everyone else, and to you. She said I might have caused damage to you, in particular.”</p><p>“Ha,” Gintoki snorted, throwing his arms over the back of the couch, “Like you could ‘cause damage’ to me.” He picked his nose for a moment, then continued, “Tama’s too nice for her own good. Giving advice to a piece of shit like you. And- besides- what kind of apology was that? That was the creepiest apology I’ve ever seen, definitely the creepiest!”</p><p>“Oh,” Kintoki said, chuckling ominously, “<em>That </em>wasn’t the apology. I was planning to apologize after you accepted the chocolates.”</p><p>“You mean your failed assassination attempt.”</p><p>“Yeah, that was pretty sketchy.”</p><p>“Well,” the robot drawled, making a large, sweeping gesture with his hands, “Kagura-chan ate some, didn’t she? And she’s fine.”</p><p>“Oh. Oh yeah. I guess he’s right, huh, Gin-chan.”</p><p>Glaring even harder, Gintoki growled, “That doesn’t count. Kagura can eat almost anything, and not die. She’s the strongest being in the universe.”</p><p>“But.. Gin-san,” Shinpachi tried, “He hasn’t tried to kill us yet. The only thing he’s done is put you in a Kintoki Buster, and Hasegawa-san showed us how easy that was to do by accident.”</p><p>“Didn’t you hear what I’ve just been saying?! He <em>has </em>tried to kill us, or at least <em>me, </em>it just didn’t work on Kagura because she’s-”</p><p>Kintoki slapped both hands down on his knees—Shinpachi and Gintoki jumped violently, and, as usual, Kagura was unphased. “Gintoki, Gintoki, Gintoki... how many times do I have to tell you, ah? You should believe me. I gave you those chocolates entirely out of the goodness of my heart.”</p><p>Shinpachi interjected, “Um, you don’t have a heart,” but Kintoki just waved him off.</p><p>“That’s beside the point. I’m saying I didn’t tamper with them at all. They were entirely milk chocolate, with vanilla wafers and strawberry-flavored centers.”</p><p>“He’s right, Gin-chan – they were really good, mhm.”</p><p>“Shut up! Brat!”</p><p>“Now, Gintoki,” Kintoki continued over him, “Like I said, the chocolates were only one part of my reason for coming here today. I <em>also </em>came to apologize—not only because Tama suggested it, but because I realized that I wanted to, as well. I looked at you and I saw someone that I admired, despite their many, many flaws. Despite what many of you believe, I’m not entirely evil.”</p><p>“So you admit you’re at least a little bit evil, then,” Shinpachi said blandly.</p><p>“I wanted the kind of relationships I saw that you had formed, but I couldn’t figure out how you had formed them. I couldn’t understand it. It took quite a while before I finally came to a conclusion. You,” Kintoki said, pointing melodramatically, “Despite your many, many, <em>many</em> flaws, had something I didn’t. You, Gintoki, had sincerity; something that I could never quite grasp entirely. After I took everyone and everything you loved for myself, everyone and everything you loved came back to you, and I had nothing. I know why, now.”</p><p>They were all quiet for a minute, waiting for him to continue. Kintoki’s blue eyes bored into Gintoki’s burgundy ones. “You taught me that sincerity is powerful, and, for that, I will be forever grateful. I’d like to change, Gintoki. I’d like to make amends. So I thought I’d start here. I have no ill intentions. Honestly, I don’t. Ask Tama, if you’re still suspicious of me; ask Gengai.”</p><p>Shinpachi and Kagura looked at Gintoki, whose eyes had left Kintoki’s and were now fixed determinedly on his knees. He was silent for a long time.</p><p>Eventually, he looked up, and said, “You’re a piece of shit. You’re an absolutely crummy, terrible bastard and I don’t like you, not one bit.”</p><p>“Ooh, tell him, Gin-chan.”</p><p>“Oi, stop it! I’m not done,” Gintoki snapped. “As... much as I’d like to, I can’t discourage someone from wanting to work on themselves. Fine. Good for you, and all that. But you better make it up to Tama, for hurting her. It sounds like she might’ve moved on, but you almost killed her. You better pay for that. You <em>better </em>make it up to her. I..” he hesitated.</p><p>“But.. I guess I’d be a terrible protagonist if I shitted on you for trying to change.”</p><p>“You’re already a terrible protagonist, Gin-san.”</p><p>Gintoki facepalmed, muttering, “Patsuan, I swear to God, Gin-san is mustering every last drop of kindness in his huge, forgiving heart so as to restrain himself from killing this shitty bastard right now. Do you<em> want</em> me to stab him? Do you want to jump heroically in front of him, causing me to stab you, instead? Do you want to die? Do you want that weighing on Gin-san’s conscience?”</p><p>“Wow, you got me, Gin-san. Truly terrifying. Kyaaa. I’m shaking in my boots.”</p><p>“Come on, Shinpachi, you don’t wear boots, Shinpachi!”</p><p>“That’s why you’re so Shinpachi, Shinpachi.”</p><p>“Screw you guys!!”</p><p>“But really,” Gintoki said, turning away from Shinpachi and Kagura, who had started duking it out, “Good for you. I guess. No matter how bad a person you were, it’s good you’re making an effort to be better. Still hate you, though.”</p><p>“I’m glad you feel that way, Gintoki. I promise, I’ll continue to make amends to Tama for all that I’ve done to her. And to you.. Gintoki. I am <em>certainly</em> going to try to change your mind about me. I-”</p><p>“Now,” the silver-haired man said, loudly, while trying to pull Kagura off Shinpachi, “You did say you had a job for us- for me. With payment. Assuming this is a case fic, we’d better get it rolling.”</p><p>“Ah, right,” Kintoki said, smiling. Kagura and Shinpachi quieted down in anticipation. The Yorozuya trio leaned forward in anticipation. Sadaharu snored quietly in the closet in anticipation.</p><p>“Sakata Gintoki,” he announced, pulling out another, eerily identicalheart-shaped, silver box, “Will you take the job of accepting these chocolates?”</p><p>Shinpachi’s face contorted in an expression of sheer horror. “N-<em>No way</em>!! He had <em>another </em>one?!? Exactly the same?! How insistent <em>is </em>this guy??!”</p><p>“Oi oi, Gin-chan doesn’t like clingy men, shithead! You better stop!”</p><p>“Are you making fun of me, you damn bastard?!” Gintoki howled, eye twitching violently. “What is this bullshit?! This is a joke, right?! <em>Right?</em>! Well it’s <em>not funny</em>! I thought you were trying to turn over a new leaf?!”</p><p>“Gintoki, I <em>am,</em>” the robot said, as though he couldn’t understand why they were all making such a fuss. The perplexed furrow in his brow helpfully fanned the flames of Gintoki's rage. “Are you purposely being dense? I mean, I knew you were pretty dumb, but I thought you’d have at least figured it out by now-”</p><p>“<em>Hah?!</em> Who’re you calling dumb?!”</p><p>“Gin-san, <em>no, </em>put Lake Toya down!”</p><p>Making an eager grab for the chocolates in the confusion, Kagura shouted,“This guy’s into you<em>, </em>perm boy—though who knows why—so stop trying to avoid it! He’ll sue you for home of phobia, yes? There’s no way we can afford that!”</p><p>Gintoki fumed, wriggling wildly against Shinpachi’s grip under his arms. Kintoki was more careful about holding the candy out of Kagura’s reach this time, talking calmly over the loud mess of yelling Yorozuya.</p><p>“Really, now, Gintoki, I thought you were supposed to try to see the best in people. And I gave such a good speech, earlier, too. I really thought you got it. Is it <em>that </em>hard to believe I might be interested in you romantically?”</p><p>All three Yorozuya, united for a single moment, bellowed, “YES!”</p><p>At that precise moment, a bold, defiant voice boomed down from the ceiling, followed closely by a sleek mass of long, lavender hair, attached to a woman.</p><p>“I can’t stand it anymore – I’ve had enough!” the woman shouted. At these words, a breeze seemed to enter the Yorozuya for the sole purpose of making her hair and scarf flutter dramatically. She pointed an accusing finger at the robot—perfectly reminiscent of the lawyer protagonist in Kagura’s favorite crime drama!—in what she clearly felt was a thrilling, climactic manner. “I’m speaking up! Is that man—Are you, Sakata Kintoki—<em><b>hitting</b> <strong>on Gin-san?!</strong></em>”</p><p>“Sacchan!” Kagura cried happily, giving her an excited wave with the one hand not occupied in making more frantic grabs for the chocolate.</p><p>Sacchan swung all the way down from the ceiling, posing majestically, hands on her hips, one foot planted on the coffee table. “Yes, Kagura-chan, it is I, the one, the only, Sacchan. Gin-san’s knight in.. um..”</p><p>“A shinobi outfit?” Shinpachi suggested.</p><p>“Yes! Yes, exactly! Don’t worry, Gin-san, the noble Sacchan has come to save you from this horrifying man’s clutches.”</p><p>“<em>I’m</em> <em>not clutching him! </em>Well.. not yet, at least- oh, for <em>my</em> sake, Gintoki, stop making that unbecoming face! You people need to stop assuming things about me- no, shit, wait-!”</p><p>Gintoki had finally wrenched himself out of Shinpachi’s grip, and, with his newfound freedom, decided to fling himself in Sacchan’s general direction. She caught him easily, one arm snaking around his back, another beneath his knees; a triumphant smirk blossomed on her face. Her glasses flashed menacingly.</p><p>“Get me outta here!” he shrieked.</p><p>Sacchan, in a complimentary shriek, said, “I knew the day would come when you leapt willingly into my arms, Gin-san! Fear not! You can rely on this naughty, lovestruck pig!”</p><p>“Oi, don’t push it—let’s keep this platonic,” Gintoki whispered, breaking character. She nodded and winked, also breaking character, then they both continued shrieking.</p><p>As Sacchan started running out of the Yorozuya, Kagura finally abandoned the chocolates and sprinted after her; she took a huge leap and latched onto Sacchan’s back just as she kicked down the door, launching herself and her heavy load off the Yorozuya’s balcony. What few people there were on the street hastily backed away from the trio, marveling at the strength of the purple-haired, ninja looking one—to be carrying a full grown man and a child on her back, she must be a warrior of the highest caliber! Many of them started cheering, looking around expectantly to see if anyone else was participating in this strange marathon.</p><p>Shinpachi just sighed. He looked glumly at the floor.</p><p>“Ah... I should’ve run after them. I bet Sacchan-san could’ve carried me, too,” he mused. Some of the dust Sacchan had kicked up floated to the second floor of Snack Otose, settling comfortably on Shinpachi’s lenses—he didn’t bother to wipe it off. “Well. They’ll probably go to hang out with Tsukuyo-san. And have lots of fun. And maybe Aneue and Kyuubei-san’ll be there too. Maybe Hasegawa-san, too, and Katsura-san. And, of course, if Katsura-san’s there, Elizabeth-san will be too. Who knows. Kondo-san might show up. And Hijikata-san, too. And.." he quickly grew too forlorn to continue listing names, and gave up. "And everyone’ll be there except me. They’ll probably have a great time..”</p><p>Kintoki’s mouth was hanging open slightly, the gears turning in his head. Shinpachi stepped around him and over to the closet, pulling out a pair of rubber gloves and a garbage bag and making his way over to the umbrella stand.</p><p>“Stupid Gin-san,” he mumbled to himself, picking it up gingerly. “He puked in this too, y'know. And Kagura-chan, running off and leaving me here all by myself. What a selfish bunch of people.”</p><p>“Uh,” Kintoki said, “You’re not by yourself, I’m still here.”</p><p>Shinpachi tied the top of the garbage bag and took it outside, holding one hand over his nose. “Damn! This stinks. I’m gonna find them and tell them off. And they’ll be like ‘oh, I’m so sorry, Shinpachi-sama! We’ll make sure you get more screen-time from now on!’”</p><p>“Uh,” Kintoki called, from inside the Yorozuya, “I’m still here!”</p><p>Shinpachi slam-dunked the garbage bag into the dumpster outside and pulled off the rubber gloves, turning around to walk back up the stairs. “Yeah,” he said, with a little more conviction, “That’s what I’ll do. I won’t mope around here, that’s not going to do me any good. I’ll go find them all. And beat them up. That’ll make me feel better. That’s what I’ll do.”</p><p>“Uh,” Kintoki said. He was standing in the doorway, blocking Shinpachi’s way in. “I-”</p><p>“SHUT UP!” Shinpachi roared, incandescent with rage. “I’m so <em>tired</em> of listening to you <em>talk</em>! You’re such a pain! Get <em>out</em> of here!! Gin-san left, dammit!! Why are you even <em>here</em>?!”</p><p>“Uh,” Kintoki said, strangely meek. He turned to the side to let Shinpachi in, and Shinpachi stormed past, shooting him a vehement glare—he threw the rubber gloves on the coffee table, then considered them for a moment and put them neatly back into the closet, instead. Kintoki received another glare as Shinpachi stalked out of the Yorozuya and stopped, speechless, framed in the doorway.</p><p>Sacchan was standing there, on the balcony, Gintoki still in her arms, Kagura still on her back. They all smiled benevolently at him.</p><p>“I knew we forgot something, Gin-chan!” Kagura exclaimed, beaming.</p><p>“You’re quite right,” Sacchan said, feeling a sudden, odd rush of kinship for her fellow glasses-wearing character. “I’m sure I can carry one more, especially one as wimpy-looking as this guy.”</p><p>Shinpachi felt his eyes start to water in a combination of gratitude and indignation.</p><p>“Come on, Patsuan.” Gintoki made a grand gesture, and while the effect was somewhat diminished by his limited arm movement, Shinpachi was still emotionally moved. “It wouldn’t feel right without you.”</p><p>“You guys,” he sniffled. “Where do I even go?”</p><p>“Ah, right,” Sacchan said, businesslike. “You can either hop on Kagura-chan’s back, or sit on top of Gin-san.”</p><p>“Why.. Why are those the only options? Do we really have to go the entire way forcing you to do all the work? Why can’t one of you split off and carry me, or.. Or we could all just walk? Or take Gin-san’s moped and Sadaharu?”</p><p>“Well, there’s always..” Gintoki and Kagura exchanged a significant look over Sacchan’s shoulder. “You could always stand on Sacchan’s head,” Kagura said, eventually—adding, with an air of smug superiority, “If you’re skilled enough, that is.”</p><p>Shinpachi wiped his nose on his sleeve. “That’s not what I was really looking for, when I said other options...”</p><p>“No, no, Kagura, you’re mistaken—Patsuan’s really easy to transport, if you just leave the glasses stand behind.”</p><p>“You guys are just harassing me now, aren’t you!”</p><p>“Ah, you’re right! Gin-chan, sometimes I start to think you really <em>do </em>have a brain!”</p><p>“What did you just say?! Brat!”</p><p>Shinpachi listened to them grumble and fight, trying to smack each other and accidentally smacking Sacchan instead, and let out a deep, world-weary sigh that came from the bottom of his heart. Eventually, he said loudly, over the grappling, “Fine, then. If you’re all so insistent. So as not to obstruct Sacchan-san’s view, I’ll get on Kagura-chan’s back. Are you happy?”</p><p>“It’s just Sacchan, you know. You don’t have to add the -san.”</p><p>“Woah, that’s our Pachi, always thinking things through!”</p><p>Sacchan turned around, and, grabbing on to Kagura’s small back, Shinpachi felt a genuine grin reluctantly spreading across his face, his worries melting away. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, after all.</p><p>The convoluted bundle of people couldn’t exactly <em>leap </em>off of the balcony, but it certainly did fall; the small, colorful boulder plummeting gracelessly off of Snack Otose’s second floor made quite the picture. Sacchan hit the ground running, bursting through the crowd, and soon whoops and hollers followed her as she raced through the street. It seemed the people of Kabukicho thought their favorite ninja marathon runner was back for another lap.</p><p>Kintoki watched their lumpy silhouette fade into the distance. He brought a hand to his face, touched his cheek; looked at the small, oily stain that appeared on his fingers. Tama’s much more human than I am, he thought—even her tears come out organic, watery. He quickly hitched the usual smarmy grin back onto his face, however, and felt his confidence slowly replenishing. This was expected; relationships start out difficult—or, so he’s heard—and are rocky all the way through. This was just a down in what was sure to be a long series of ups! Great things are coming for you, Sakata Kintoki, just you wait!</p><p>With this bold self-affirmation, Kintoki emerged from the Yorozuya’s door, a godly, golden, shining beacon of hope, and stepped regally down the stairs, making his way back to Gengai’s. He had some planning to do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yo! hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading!</p><p> </p></blockquote></div></div>
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